hoped

I feel like if you really cared you would find a way.


I wrote a million sentances and erased them all.


That is all my mind keeps saying. You should find a way.

If you really cared you would be here. It's how I felt at the hospital. It's how I felt at home after surgery. It's how I felt at graduation. It's how I felt way back when.

And now, I feel it.

But I think it's different, because I know that isnt you. You arent that guy.


I love you and I should stop trying to make you that person that is there. That is HERE. Where I am.

I know, logically, that you care. Even if my heart is saying something else at the moment. I cant control what I feel right now and I need to remember that. I need to be reminded why I am here. It's just so blank.


I just feel so desolate. So so empty.

I dont know how to tell you to make it better, or what to say, and I'm not going to ask you to do anyhing. I know, logically that you cant.

I just need to reconcile my brain with my emotions again. Maybe now that I have my medicine again I can do that. I dont know.