Tonight I went to a bar, where there were bands playing and guys with guitars playing and it was small, and fun and loud- I felt fun.
The first guy who was on, him and his electric guitar alone on the stage- with maybe twenty five people in the audience, and probably twenty of them were there specifically just for him. Cheering him on by name, singing along to his indie-rock and yelling things like, "You're doing great, Nick!" "You sound like a rock star!" "Dont be nervous, you're amazing!"...
It was like it was just him and them in the room. They were his cheerleaders, and the rest of us were eavesdropping on the concert.
I found myself being jealous, he was so loved and supported and I wanted to know his name and have twenty friends at my back telling me, "You're doing great!". I wanted to be a part of it. Of something.
I am spoiled from this vacation. I want to not be lonely out here anymore. I'm sick of this life. If it turns out that Jimmy isnt moving here, and I'm not moving there... I think I'm going to move. Maybe to Vancouver. Maybe to Boston. Maybe to Australia. Maybe to Michigan.
Who knows. I just want out. I want change. I want things to be more like I WANT them instead of how I can tolerate them.
I miss the old me.
About Me
- Kateless
- I have very important and relevant things to say about stuff and things. You should listen when I speak and read when I type.
1 comment:
if you can't hear us cheering, we're just not loud enough to be heard. i'd make excuses of distance and timezones, but that's shallow and sad.
you have gone and done the one thing you have always dreamt of doing and for that alone, if none of your other exploits, experiences and lifetime of glorious Kateness is something to be proud of.
You should be proud. I am. You know we all are. And that we love you. And even if after all this, LA isnt giving you the life you dream of, that isnt your fault or even something to regret. It's only a problem if you don't change it when its not worthy of you.
I hope you find peace somewhere soon. You deserve some happiness after all you have given the rest of us.
Love,
your blister
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