Dear 2009 Kate,
I was going to tell you all these things to be and do this year...
Instead I just wanted to tell you that I think you're funny, and honestly it's all going to be okay.
Let's do better this year.
Love,
Kate 2008
12/31/08
12/30/08
reviewed
2008: A Wintry Year
We must live through the dreary winter
If we would value the spring;
And the woods must be cold and silent
Before the robins sing.
The flowers must be buried in darkness
Before they an bud and bloom,
And the sweetest, warmest sunshine
Comes after the storm and gloom.
- Anonymous
This has been quite the year. For my own benefit I will now recount the past twelve months with their highlights, lowlights and the people I'd like to thank:
Jan 2008:
This may be labeled the worst month of my personal history. I was one unhappy chick-a-dee.
Highlight, Start of the Year of Jimmy & Kate
Lowlight, Depressed and Sick - moved home with parents
Thank you Mom and Dad. I mean no offense to your parents, but mine are super heroes.
February 2008:
Feb. is always a dark month, it's the gloomiest weather wise and Spring seemed so far away... but I found wonder and awe with a little nudge from the people I love.
Highlight, Doctors started to help
Lowlight, Felt lost
Thank you Sara and Tom. My siblings are my best friends and biggest supporters. (and vice versa)
March 2008:
This month was all about Kate.
Highlight, Brother is there to lean on
Lowlight, No longer sure what is best for my life
Thank you Tom. I cant even put into words how words how grateful and amazed by him I am.
April 2008:
I got lit from within. I found my spark and my spunk and my happy place.... which was not in Texas, it was in me.
Highlight, Kate is back!
Lowlight, Moved back to Texas
Thank you Dr. Wycoff. This man works miracles and makes your body work together as a whole instead of fighting itself on a hundred different playing fields he makes the whole gang a team.
May 2008:
When I didn't have a job all I wanted was to be working- I was so happy to have a job! Then I realized that I was suddenly a pre-school teacher and had to change diapers everyday... but I loved my kids. I miss them, actually.
Highlight, Have Job
Lowlight, Job is at a Preschool
Thank you Quita, Caitlyn & Sloan. My co-teacher & friend and two little girls in my class that made everyday sunnier.
June 2008:
This month sped by. All I know is that I was working insane hours, eating healthy, working out, spending time with Jimmy, Tom and Gob- We put wedding planning on the back burner.
Highlight, Love the kids at work
Lowlight, Hate my job & Dallas is Balls Hot
Thanks to my car (Je t'aime) who was a trooper carting me an hour each way to work everyday and keeping me company.
July 2008:
This month started off nicely- straight to Chicago, getting to see the people I love and friends I missed and the city that holds so much magic... all it was missing was my sister. Then the next three weeks were a flurry of fighting with vendors, my mother, Nancy, Jimmy, Tom, Work, Myself - over everything and anything. Tensions were high... but we were gliding.
Highlight, Chicago for 4th of July & Wedding Shower
Lowlight, Wedding planning & fighting
Thanks to my Sister and Reecee who made things easier for me, for being the calm amidst the wedding storm.
August 2008:
The wedding planning was less hairy, more concrete- but it still felt like it wasn't going to happen. I was alone doing a bunch of work, getting my dress and my shoes and everything and it felt lonely. (I sound like a whiner, but it's the truth. I was lonely)
Highlight, My dress is gorgeous
Lowlight, Am broke
Thanks to GOB for keeping me sane.
September 2008:
Started off insane. Busy. Planning and saving and working and stressing and ended with sighs of contentment and smiles and hugs and love and everything nice.
(Sara and Tom's faces are amazing in this picture. I wish they were clearer for you to see their smiles)
Highlight, Get Married & Quit Job
Lowlight, Am EXTRA broke
Thanks to Jimmy for taking me as I am and letting me in.
October 2008:
Seeing the east coast in the fall has always been a dream of mine and I got to do it. We got to see the leaves and taste the chowder and feel the ocean breeze. Besides one rocky stormy night on the water it was lovely and serene and full.
Then we went and stayed at my newly minted in laws for eight days of sheer will power and plastic smiles. Four days is for SURE my max capacity for relatives/friends who are not close to me to share my personal space, or vice versa. Found out how selfish I really am.
Highlight, Honeymoon on East Coast (Cruise)
Lowlight, Have to start a real life
Thanks to Julian for being a seriously wonderful teenager.
November 2008:
Upon return to Dallas mid-Oct. I had no job, I packed our apartment for the move to LA and Jimmy and I hit a wall we've yet to get over.
Our entire goal for living Dallas had been that we both get jobs we love. After more than a year in Dallas I still hadn't found anything and with Jimmy hating his job- we agreed that after the wedding we would move to LA and make it.
We would just go. Once we got back from the Honeymoon and I was following through on the plans we'd made Jimmy and I hit a disagreement about Theory and Practice that we have yet to solve. Hence me moving to LA in November to get a job that could support us both and Jimmy staying and living on my brothers couch...
And here is where the dilema lies. He really doesnt mean the big talk, I do. He really wants a traditional life, I dont. He wants dinner on the table when he gets home, so do I. I want to go to bars and restaraunts and have friends, he doesnt. He wants to have kids NOW, I dont. He wants his parents to be very involved in our personal life, I DONT. I want Jimmy to be nicer, he wants me to be cattier. I want to be able maintain my guy friends, Jimmy wants them axed from my life. I want Jimmy to have friends, he wants me to be his only friend. I want adventure. He wants a couch.
His idea:
My idea:
I know we can do this. But right now it's hard. Being so far apart and so divided and still loving one another but wanting the other to be happy with what we want... I want him to want adventure (in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell...) and success and have drive. He wants to me to want safety and security and compromise.
Sometimes me and him cant breech the distance between us even when we're in the same room.
I think I'll always be too young to settle for something that isn't extraordinary. I want an extraordinary life, and that's not me being selfish, or mean, or unmovable. That's me having found my voice and not losing it in trying to please everyone else. Not trying to please anyone, but trying to feed that spark inside of me that wants to turn into fireworks.
Highlight, Move to LA & am HAPPY!
Lowlight, Am most unconventional and worst wife ever
Thanks to Kendra and Tom- who support even my craziest crazy.
December 2008:
Working consistently, hired to do production design for a movie in March, made good decisions, made bad decisions, re-connected with old friends, felt alive, started hiking again, touched the ocean again, ate In & Out again... It's been a good month. Besides Jimmy not being here... I am happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
Highlight, Temping in LA & Turning 25
Lowlight, Feel guilty for being happy, husband still in Dallas
Thanks opportunity. Thanks Family, Thanks Friends, Thanks World.
I'll do right by you.
Prediction:
2009, A Sunny Year
Pleasantly, between the pelting showers, the sunshine gushes down.
- William Cullen Bryant
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Happy New Year.
Outlook is good.
We must live through the dreary winter
If we would value the spring;
And the woods must be cold and silent
Before the robins sing.
The flowers must be buried in darkness
Before they an bud and bloom,
And the sweetest, warmest sunshine
Comes after the storm and gloom.
- Anonymous
This has been quite the year. For my own benefit I will now recount the past twelve months with their highlights, lowlights and the people I'd like to thank:
Jan 2008:
This may be labeled the worst month of my personal history. I was one unhappy chick-a-dee.
Highlight, Start of the Year of Jimmy & Kate
Lowlight, Depressed and Sick - moved home with parents
Thank you Mom and Dad. I mean no offense to your parents, but mine are super heroes.
February 2008:
Feb. is always a dark month, it's the gloomiest weather wise and Spring seemed so far away... but I found wonder and awe with a little nudge from the people I love.
Highlight, Doctors started to help
Lowlight, Felt lost
Thank you Sara and Tom. My siblings are my best friends and biggest supporters. (and vice versa)
March 2008:
This month was all about Kate.
Highlight, Brother is there to lean on
Lowlight, No longer sure what is best for my life
Thank you Tom. I cant even put into words how words how grateful and amazed by him I am.
April 2008:
I got lit from within. I found my spark and my spunk and my happy place.... which was not in Texas, it was in me.
Highlight, Kate is back!
Lowlight, Moved back to Texas
Thank you Dr. Wycoff. This man works miracles and makes your body work together as a whole instead of fighting itself on a hundred different playing fields he makes the whole gang a team.
May 2008:
When I didn't have a job all I wanted was to be working- I was so happy to have a job! Then I realized that I was suddenly a pre-school teacher and had to change diapers everyday... but I loved my kids. I miss them, actually.
Highlight, Have Job
Lowlight, Job is at a Preschool
Thank you Quita, Caitlyn & Sloan. My co-teacher & friend and two little girls in my class that made everyday sunnier.
June 2008:
This month sped by. All I know is that I was working insane hours, eating healthy, working out, spending time with Jimmy, Tom and Gob- We put wedding planning on the back burner.
Highlight, Love the kids at work
Lowlight, Hate my job & Dallas is Balls Hot
Thanks to my car (Je t'aime) who was a trooper carting me an hour each way to work everyday and keeping me company.
July 2008:
This month started off nicely- straight to Chicago, getting to see the people I love and friends I missed and the city that holds so much magic... all it was missing was my sister. Then the next three weeks were a flurry of fighting with vendors, my mother, Nancy, Jimmy, Tom, Work, Myself - over everything and anything. Tensions were high... but we were gliding.
Highlight, Chicago for 4th of July & Wedding Shower
Lowlight, Wedding planning & fighting
Thanks to my Sister and Reecee who made things easier for me, for being the calm amidst the wedding storm.
August 2008:
The wedding planning was less hairy, more concrete- but it still felt like it wasn't going to happen. I was alone doing a bunch of work, getting my dress and my shoes and everything and it felt lonely. (I sound like a whiner, but it's the truth. I was lonely)
Highlight, My dress is gorgeous
Lowlight, Am broke
Thanks to GOB for keeping me sane.
September 2008:
Started off insane. Busy. Planning and saving and working and stressing and ended with sighs of contentment and smiles and hugs and love and everything nice.
(Sara and Tom's faces are amazing in this picture. I wish they were clearer for you to see their smiles)
Highlight, Get Married & Quit Job
Lowlight, Am EXTRA broke
Thanks to Jimmy for taking me as I am and letting me in.
October 2008:
Seeing the east coast in the fall has always been a dream of mine and I got to do it. We got to see the leaves and taste the chowder and feel the ocean breeze. Besides one rocky stormy night on the water it was lovely and serene and full.
Then we went and stayed at my newly minted in laws for eight days of sheer will power and plastic smiles. Four days is for SURE my max capacity for relatives/friends who are not close to me to share my personal space, or vice versa. Found out how selfish I really am.
Highlight, Honeymoon on East Coast (Cruise)
Lowlight, Have to start a real life
Thanks to Julian for being a seriously wonderful teenager.
November 2008:
Upon return to Dallas mid-Oct. I had no job, I packed our apartment for the move to LA and Jimmy and I hit a wall we've yet to get over.
Our entire goal for living Dallas had been that we both get jobs we love. After more than a year in Dallas I still hadn't found anything and with Jimmy hating his job- we agreed that after the wedding we would move to LA and make it.
We would just go. Once we got back from the Honeymoon and I was following through on the plans we'd made Jimmy and I hit a disagreement about Theory and Practice that we have yet to solve. Hence me moving to LA in November to get a job that could support us both and Jimmy staying and living on my brothers couch...
And here is where the dilema lies. He really doesnt mean the big talk, I do. He really wants a traditional life, I dont. He wants dinner on the table when he gets home, so do I. I want to go to bars and restaraunts and have friends, he doesnt. He wants to have kids NOW, I dont. He wants his parents to be very involved in our personal life, I DONT. I want Jimmy to be nicer, he wants me to be cattier. I want to be able maintain my guy friends, Jimmy wants them axed from my life. I want Jimmy to have friends, he wants me to be his only friend. I want adventure. He wants a couch.
His idea:
My idea:
I know we can do this. But right now it's hard. Being so far apart and so divided and still loving one another but wanting the other to be happy with what we want... I want him to want adventure (in the great wide somewhere, I want it more than I can tell...) and success and have drive. He wants to me to want safety and security and compromise.
Sometimes me and him cant breech the distance between us even when we're in the same room.
I think I'll always be too young to settle for something that isn't extraordinary. I want an extraordinary life, and that's not me being selfish, or mean, or unmovable. That's me having found my voice and not losing it in trying to please everyone else. Not trying to please anyone, but trying to feed that spark inside of me that wants to turn into fireworks.
Highlight, Move to LA & am HAPPY!
Lowlight, Am most unconventional and worst wife ever
Thanks to Kendra and Tom- who support even my craziest crazy.
December 2008:
Working consistently, hired to do production design for a movie in March, made good decisions, made bad decisions, re-connected with old friends, felt alive, started hiking again, touched the ocean again, ate In & Out again... It's been a good month. Besides Jimmy not being here... I am happy. Happy. Happy. Happy.
Highlight, Temping in LA & Turning 25
Lowlight, Feel guilty for being happy, husband still in Dallas
Thanks opportunity. Thanks Family, Thanks Friends, Thanks World.
I'll do right by you.
Prediction:
2009, A Sunny Year
Pleasantly, between the pelting showers, the sunshine gushes down.
- William Cullen Bryant
People are like stained-glass windows. They sparkle and shine when the sun is out, but when the darkness sets in, their true beauty is revealed only if there is a light from within.
-Elisabeth Kubler-Ross
Happy New Year.
Outlook is good.
12/17/08
bested
Photostrips are my favorite way to save memories.
Sometimes it's really nice to have a best friend. Sometimes it's the only thing between you and crazy.
Love,
Kate
Sometimes it's really nice to have a best friend. Sometimes it's the only thing between you and crazy.
Love,
Kate
12/13/08
twenty-fived
Today I turn 25.
This is me now. This is me happy. This is me with a bright future. I am lit from within. I am.
That's enough for me. I'm proud of myself- looking back at last years birthday- I just have moved so far from that person and that hole I was in... I've got out of my deepest spot and have moved into the sunshine. I am filled with such delirious joy.
Happy Birthday, Kate! Remember how this feels.
Love,
Kate
This is me now. This is me happy. This is me with a bright future. I am lit from within. I am.
That's enough for me. I'm proud of myself- looking back at last years birthday- I just have moved so far from that person and that hole I was in... I've got out of my deepest spot and have moved into the sunshine. I am filled with such delirious joy.
Happy Birthday, Kate! Remember how this feels.
Love,
Kate
12/4/08
temped
I am currently working as a Temp in LA...
Today is my first job assignment and I am really enjoying moments of it- but mostly it is terrible small talk, an uncomfortable chair and lots of stapling.
Once my employer of the day realized I'm not an idiot- they let me just do what I want. I finished all the work before lunch and now have been surfing the web for the past four hours of my eight hour day...
kind of like being jobless- only I get paid $12 bucks and hour to do it. (Pay scale is job dependent and this being my first I start low- but they say you make around 15 - 17/hr on most jobs... I got the bottom of the bucket job because I'm new.)
I got to talk to a sweet old lady on the phone.... EIGHT TIMES.
I organized an annual board meeting (why then needed a temp today) and she is one of the board members.
She told me many things about herself. She likes to read. She is impatient. She had a cold or flu last week- she's not sure. Fever, chills and aches, which does that make it? (Old age?) She went swimming this morning, it was very relaxing. She wants to know who else is going to be there. She is on her way to get her hair done, after swimming she either needs a hat or a hair do and she doesn't have any nice hats for the occasion. She is going to order food for herself at the meeting. She called me a peach. (I love that endearment)
Temp work is better than no work. $12/hr is better than no $$ and hour. An uncomfortable chair is better than no chair.
I've got nothing to say about the stapling, though... it's a boring job and I could never staple something again and be happy. (And then when I'm on my deathbed I'll get to say something like, 'The stapler...')
Today is my first job assignment and I am really enjoying moments of it- but mostly it is terrible small talk, an uncomfortable chair and lots of stapling.
Once my employer of the day realized I'm not an idiot- they let me just do what I want. I finished all the work before lunch and now have been surfing the web for the past four hours of my eight hour day...
kind of like being jobless- only I get paid $12 bucks and hour to do it. (Pay scale is job dependent and this being my first I start low- but they say you make around 15 - 17/hr on most jobs... I got the bottom of the bucket job because I'm new.)
I got to talk to a sweet old lady on the phone.... EIGHT TIMES.
I organized an annual board meeting (why then needed a temp today) and she is one of the board members.
She told me many things about herself. She likes to read. She is impatient. She had a cold or flu last week- she's not sure. Fever, chills and aches, which does that make it? (Old age?) She went swimming this morning, it was very relaxing. She wants to know who else is going to be there. She is on her way to get her hair done, after swimming she either needs a hat or a hair do and she doesn't have any nice hats for the occasion. She is going to order food for herself at the meeting. She called me a peach. (I love that endearment)
Temp work is better than no work. $12/hr is better than no $$ and hour. An uncomfortable chair is better than no chair.
I've got nothing to say about the stapling, though... it's a boring job and I could never staple something again and be happy. (And then when I'm on my deathbed I'll get to say something like, 'The stapler...')
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